The Paralympics Opening Ceremony

As if to reinforce that the excellent opening ceremony for the preceding Olympic games wasn’t a one-off in terms of British eccentricity, an even weirder and wackier visual spectacle was delivered for the opening of the Paralympic games that made a sky-diving queen seem almost rational.

For a reason that was never quite made clear, the opening ceremony followed the theme of science, discovery and invention, making way into literature, in a narrative that wasn’t quite as easy to follow as in the preceding one, though the template of moving from the industrial revolution to the NHS to kids bedtime stories of the first was reflected in this ceremony’s hodge-podge of randomly connected ideas not entirely connected to the idea of the Olympics.

There were several elements that transferred over, from the stereotypical obsession with umbrellas, to the eccentricity to the mind- and bum- numbingly long athlete walk on. But it was very much a truncated opening ceremony, running an hour over its allotted time but feeling less spectacular as the first, though it did have a lower budget. The event kicked off at eight pm with half an hour off waffle from the presenters in the channel four studio, with Jon Snow in particular looking like he’d only just woken up to present the show and looked like he wanted to be anywhere else, laid back in his chair and stumbling over his speech. At least he was regularly interrupted by adverts, Channel 4 obviously cramming them in before the ceremony started proper to run the main event without too many advert breaks… well, at least that was my theory, which was disproven by the regular advert breaks. Even ITV in its big events doesn’t do that much advertising. Obviously, the commercials are C4’s bread and butter but their reliance on them during the coverage was more like a foot-long Subway with extra cheese. And their coverage at the start was dogged by clashing sound that rendered the early Rihanna remix uncomfortable to listen to.

The ceremony opened with a welcome appearance from Professor Steven Hawking before the theme really kicked out, randomly represented by a wheelchair athlete atop a giant rotating apple (to represent Isaac Newton), an equally large book of human rights, and a huge representation of the decisively un-huge Higgs Boson particle, that famous, er, Swiss discovery. We also got an, admittedly impressive, representation of the big bang and Sir Ian Mckellan hamming it up as Prospero from the Tempest, another throwback to the other opening ceremony, and the arrival of the Queen in a more traditional way than being Daniel Craig’s parachute buddy.

With the eccentric first half an hour over, we came to the parade of athletes which was, though slightly less formal than the first with athletes waving banners and such like, still as boring and dragged out as ever, with only the thoughts of potential world war breaking out in the ad breaks as Channel 4 cut away to Direct Line and Sainsbury’s commercials instead of showing the walk-on of the Chinese team, which several other countries losing out on an appearance in favour of someone important sponsorship messages.

At least there was plenty more after the two hours of that particular bit of tedium with some impressive choreography and wire work from lots of athletes and dancers, though still smattered with moments of head-scratching eccentricity with a whole section on the power of books and reading – with books flapping like seagulls – and the whole audience simultaneously taking bites out of an apple each. A close-up of the crowd showed some people happily munching away whilst others looked on bemused. We also got a huge recreation of the famous Alison Lapper artwork, Paralympic Philip Craven bigging it up for Bolton like a wannabe Northern gangster, and several oaths, with later accompaniment from an on-form Beverley Knight singing ‘I Am What I Am’, an unusual song to choose beyond the title’s reflections on society’s preconceptions about disability when it’s more commonly adopted as an anthem for the gay community (making an awkward connection between homosexuality and disability which I don’t think was intended and obviously not connected), and a song that was dragged out for a good ten minutes with verses repeated well beyond their lifespan, but Knight held it all together perfectly.

We also got an impressive firework display and some great spectacle from the mock-moon and the half-globe that lifted up mid-way through the show.

Overall, the opening ceremony wasn’t as amazing as the Olympics one, mainly down to the lack of music in my opinion, but it was well done with the smaller budget, with the wire work and athletics very impressive. The theme of the show was a little puzzling at times and there were several awkward moments, none the least the questionable Ian Dury track “Spasticus Autisticus” which, without much context, could be seen as, you know, a tad offensive, but it was a good visual spectacle with the boat scene a particular highlight, but it also suffered from the athlete walk-on which, coming after only half-an-hour of opening ceremony, was even less welcome the second time around due to less viewer reward before it, and some dodgy timing decisions and commentary from Channel 4, but thankfully not to Trevor Nelson standards.

There was a lot of nice touches, though, with the songs accompanied by a BSL interpreter, the lead work by Nicola Miles-Wildin as Miranda, and some dancing by Flawless, so overall not a bad show but without the reach – and, of course, the budget – of the atmospheric and touching Olympic opening ceremony. Considering that much of the cast was made up of disabled actors, actresses and dancers, the work involved was every bit as impressive as the earlier opening ceremony with what was achieved.

New! Super Mario Bros 2 (3DS) (Review)

Like Mickey Mouse is to Disney and Sonic is to Sega, Mario is Nintendo’s key character and synonymous with the company. Ever since he stepped out onto the world stage in the mid-eighties the Super Mario franchise has been a core part of Nintendo’s magic and one that has been consistently good over the past twenty-five years. Just don’t mention the Mario Movie.

And here we are with the latest instalment in the series, the mouth-numbingly titled ‘New! Super Mario Bros 2’ on the 3DS, the spiritual follow-up to the 2006 DS game and the more recent Wii version, and the next in line before the Wii U iteration hits within the next twelve months. The series sees a graphical and gameplay kick added to the classic Mario games of the 1980s and 1990s to bring them up to speed with modern gamers, with this edition landing on Nintendo’s flagship 3D handheld.

Now I’m a big fan of the Super Mario games but I am a little nervous. From a company that only released one Mario game for each console in the 1990s after the handful on the NES, we’ve had a lot of Mario recently with one DS game, three Wii games and now two 3DS games and that’s without including all the numerous racing, party and Olympic spin-offs. Are Nintendo in danger of killing their prize cow?

Not at the moment, thankfully, but ‘New! Super Mario Bros 2’ won’t be winning any awards for advancing the franchise like the excellent Galaxy games did. It’s very much business as usual with the Princess captured by the Koopa Kids and Mario in hot pursuit to rescue her, travelling through six worlds of eight to ten levels each including ghost houses, fortresses, castles and world’s themed around different elements. Each world contains a mid-world and an end-world boss and then there’s the traditional huge boss at the end, so no surprises there.

The game sees the return of classic power-ups. You have the usual mushroom, fire flower and starman that give you an extra hit, the ability to fire fireballs and limited-time invincibility respectively. On top of that the mega mushroom, which makes Mario temporarily massive, makes a couple of appearances and both are very fun, and the mini mushroom that does the opposite makes half-a-dozen showings, often involving secrets. These power-ups are joined by the return of the raccoon feather which transforms Mario into, well, a raccoon that allows him to temporarily fly if he gets a good enough run up, which allows you to get to bonus and secret areas throughout the game and, though not used as much as in Super Mario Bros 3, is useful a lot of times for passing by big obstacles either by flying over them, or floating down to avoid them. As usual a power-up can be stored away to be called out when you need it.

These power-ups help you progress through levels which involve traditional platforming, avoiding enemies and solving puzzles, before hitting the flagpole at the end to complete the level, as you would expect from a Mario game. Amongst the leaping and attacking there is a half-way save point as well.

But there is more on top of that and that’s where this game’s special shtick comes in. There are coins everywhere. Hundreds of them scattered through each level and power-ups that help you get even more. It’s like Super Mario directed by Gordon Gekko. The overall challenge of the game is to gather over one million coins and you do this by grabbing as many coins as you can in the level, either in boxes or in plain sight. You are helped along to this total by the occasional gold flower power-up which allows you to fire golden fireballs which turns blocks into coins and kills enemies for mega coin bonuses – which is really fun, and the gold mushroom which gives you a gold bonus.

There are blocks that give you a coin bonus of between 5 and 50 coins depending on when you hit them, and there are the usual red hoops that give you eight red coins and a bonus if you collect all of them. Plus, there are gold hoops that when hit turn all enemies golden and as they are killed give you bonuses, with Koopa Troopas creating a long chain of coins as you kick them away and pirana plants spurting out coins when you destroy them. There are other ways of making lots of coins scattered through the game – including trigger points that make coins appear in places – to help you get to this million coin total, including coin rush mode which I’ll come to later. It’s an interesting mechanic and does bring an extra level of skill to the game and each level is marked by how many coins you get to keep track of that.

Obviously the results of this coin overload is your lives, and I’ve currently got over 300 of them, so don’t expect to see a game over screen ever in this game, with normal 1-ups scattered liberally around the game as it is.

I enjoy the focus on coins as it does give a bit of a fresher challenge to a game and it’s fun to collect lots of them and beat your scores but a million is a challenge. I’ve put 14 hours into this game so far and collected just over 75,000, or just over a fifteenth of the way there. That gives you a good idea of the mountain to climb in that respect.

In relation to the game let’s get the negatives out of the way. Though the game looks beautiful for a 2D platformer with rounded graphics and well drawn solid enemies and characters, it’s not a massive leap from the DS original of six years ago. I’m sure side by side the new version will look better but it’s nothing outstanding. The 3D effect adds a little bit of depth to the game but mostly only makes the background blurry, making the 3D slider more redundant than a dodgy journalist after the Leveson inquiry. Naturally, the game play is no big change from the previous games in style.

Now onto the positives, and there are some big ones. This is the first Mario game since 1992’s ‘Super Mario World’ where I feel Nintendo has really embraced the idea again of multiple exits and lots of hidden secrets. There are many, many levels in this game that are not immediately available and if you skip through the game without collecting the three, often tricky to find and collect, large star coins in each level or exploring every nook and cranny of the levels, then you will miss the vast majority of the game.

It took me a relatively impressive six hours to complete the main game but so far an extra eight hours to continue and I still haven’t unlocked all the extra levels or got anywhere near finding all the gold coins. There are three full hidden worlds – one unlocked when you complete the game so keep at least ninety of your star coins unredeemed to access eight more levels, that unfortunately are no more tricky than your standard levels – with two with hidden access points in two levels in the ordinary worlds. They are tricky to find – and thankfully more imaginative than the DS version’s ones – and it will be a real reward to find them.

Other secret levels within the ordinary worlds can be found by either paying five star coins to open up some paths – a technique which also gives you access to mushroom, one-up and bonus houses that give you power-ups – or by finding, often cunningly hidden exits, within levels. Occasionally you’ll need a particular power-up to reach an exit, such as the raccoon feather, and some are hidden in great ways, so it’s a thumbs up Nintendo for this. This is probably the biggest game in the number of levels yet and to have so many levels not present straight out of the box is a great thing for me who likes to explore the game and not be spoon-fed. If you’re looking for a worthy successor to Super Mario World in the nature of secret exits and multiple pathways, plus ways of skipping levels if you find hidden exits, then this is the best one yet.

Speaking of Super Mario World, the bosses are ripped from that game, with Reznor – the rhinos on a ferris wheel – appearing in the mid-way fortress, with some interesting adaptations on that as you progress, with a Koopa Kid doing battle in the final castle, with most of these battles simple and straight forward but with some enjoyable twists. The final boss fight of the game is perhaps not as tricky as the Wii game or 3D Land but it’s difficult none the less with what it throws at you. It’s also repeated at the end of the secret world with the seriously creepy bone Bowser, this time much harder.

On top of all this there is the white raccoon power-up for younger players. As in previous games if you die too many times in a level you can activate this invincibility power-up to allow you to rocket through the levels, which I’ve never used but is a help to younger players in a game that has its moments when it comes to the difficulty level.

There are a few other special stages as well alongside the familiar maze-filled ghost houses, such as cannon stages which propel Mario along Sonic-like through night-time levels, and rainbow levels unlocked by some nifty landing on the flagpoles.

Musically the game is fun with many familiar tunes amongst the levels. I don’t think any of the tracks are new to this game but that’s no big loss, and the tracks are all enjoyable to hear.

Placed alongside the single player and co-op game, which has plenty of levels and challenges to get your teeth into, is coin rush mode and this is where, with on one run-through up to 7000 coins a pop, you’ll be coming to to reach the million coin total. You get several packs – with more promised by DLC soon – consisting of three randomly-selected levels depending on which pack you select and it’s your job, either as ordinary or white raccoon Mario, to run through the levels, collecting as many coins as possible using all the techniques and power-ups you’ve found, to build up your total, keeping your eye on the rapidly limiting time you have to complete it and knowing if you die once you have to restart all three levels again (but you do get to keep the coins), hoping to land on the top of the flagpole at the end to double everything you’ve collected so far. This is a great idea and really extends the game and offers a new challenge, especially when it’s combined with the 3DS Streetpass system which allows you to try and beat other player’s scores and getting a bonus if you do. All high scores can be saved but it’s a shame that each pack isn’t always the same three levels so you can really perfect your abilities.

Overall ‘New! Super Mario Bros 2’ is a great addition to the Mario canon, even if the series is showing signs of overkill. The gameplay and graphics may be no major improvement over the previous game six years ago and the 3D effect is pointless, but the levels are more difficult than previous platformers (but not as hard as 3D Land levels) and the addition of so many secret exits and multiple pathways makes this the best one since Super Mario World and I hope it’s something Nintendo really embraces on next year’s Wii U version. The new power ups are great and the coin collecting theme timely in our recession-hit world and a good hook to hang the game off.

Don’t expect a revolutionary game but for fans of Mario platformers there is much challenge here along with lots of levels to play and it’s certainly no walk in the park for finishing, with completionists likely to find all the collectables and goals very enjoyable and extending the lifetime of the game well passed the twenty hour mark, though there’s not much incentive it seems to get all the star coins as once you’ve unlocked all the secret pathways they’re only used for mushroom houses which are redundant if you’re a good player.

Now you must excuse me. I’m off to try and reach the million coin mark. I just hope that whatever the reward is at the end is good enough to justify the hours it’s going to take me. I’ll let you know if I think it is when I reach it but in the meantime hope someone doesn’t spoil it for me...

(8/10)

Don’t Blow The Inheritance (ITV1, 5pm)

One of my favourite comedians launched this week a new ITV teatime game show called ‘Don’t Blow The Inheritance’. Surprisingly, and a little bit unexpectedly, the game show is only due to run for two weeks at just ten episodes, rather than a longer run.

DBTI is a very traditional game show. If you didn’t realise it was 2012 from all the adverts that cut into the hour-long show you’d think it was the early 1990s and Bruce Forsyth, looking a lot younger now, was doing game shows again rather than dance competitions.

Vine, using the game show as a vehicle in parts for his puns – which are hilarious, eye-rolling and cringe worthy in equal measure but I love them – is definitely channelling Forsyth, from the use of catchphrases – “You can blow a candle, you can even blow a trumpet, but whatever you do, don’t blow the inheritance” complete with the audience shouting the last line, surely a catchphrase that will lead to some dodgy adult interpretations – to the audience interaction, with ‘nice to see you, to see you, nice’ replaced with ‘We’ve lost a team’ to which the audience reply, often incomprehensibly, ‘It’s the end of the dream’ as if their microphones are up too high.

The basic structure of the game show is straight out of the Forsyth book of game shows. Vine comes on, dressed casually in a tie-less shirt, to stand in front of the now traditional large video screen that displays some typical graphics and the questions / answers, to introduce the four sets of contestants: one parent and one child. He goes across and speaks to each of them and find out about them whilst also thrusting in some loosely connected one-liners into the proceedings, which is clichéd but fun enough. We then get four rounds of gaming with one pair leaving the game after each round, with only one pair left to win the money, with the final round putting the child at centre stage to try and inherit the money the parents have raised, hence the title.

Round one is your typical general knowledge round with the kids buzzing in as Vine reads out a question, but only if they think their parent knows the answer. If the parent gets it right, they get £1000 into the pot. If they get it wrong all the other pots get filled with an extra grand. This continues until the end of the round and the person with the least amount of money leaves.

Round two is a spin on family fortunes with the winning child picking a category and the parent has to fill in the ten responses that satisfy the question, e.g. ‘Name the last ten UK Prime Ministers’, getting a grand for every correct answer. The second ranking team then get to pick a question followed by the third. Again, the lowest scoring family are out.

Round three is like a simpler version of ‘Only Connect’ with three clues gradually revealed by Vine and the kids have to buzz in when they think the parent will know the answer. If they get it right they get a grand; get it wrong the other team get it, with the final team with the lowest score sent away.

The final round sees the child take centre stage with their pot of money. They have five questions to answer and no time limit if they keep getting them right. Get one wrong, however, and the pot of money starts decreasing and Vine reads out constant questions until the five are answered or the money runs out. They then go home with whatever is left. This certainly adds a good bit of tension to the end of the proceedings.

DBTI isn’t a particularly revolutionary game show. The concept of the kids – mostly teenagers or those in their early twenties – having to know what their parents know to win big is a good hook but a lot of the other elements – the rounds, the at-times-forced catchphrases and the puns – are a tad derivative of classic game shows.

It’s very much a throwback to the game shows of my childhood and, actually, that’s pretty fun. It’s a little bit knowing, a little bit cheesy and Vine is at home with the style of humour needed for the game shows. It doesn’t have perhaps as much viewer interaction as, say, ‘Pointless’ or ‘Only Connect’ but it’s fun to watch with family and friends and is a vast improvement on the usual confusing and overly complicated game shows ITV has recently rolled out. And it’s far, far better than ‘Red or Black’.

DBTI is a great third string to Vine’s bow following his successfully stand up and appearance in excellent BBC sitcom ‘Not Going Out’ and it’s fun, retro, cheesy fun for an evening. It’s not particularly unique but is fun enough and the nods to the Forsyth / Monkhouse / Walker era of game shows that were just so much fun is great. There is some genuinely good amounts of money to be won by the contestants, certainly in contrast to similar game shows that, even if the contestants do manage to win any money, it’s paltry. But with only a short run of ten episodes I hope it doesn’t turn out to be a mistake for Vine to have stretched out into the world of game shows and leaving, for instance ‘Not Going Out’ behind in which he was so good. I’ll certainly miss him from that and not sure if him fronting a game show that would normally be on when I’m at work where he recycles some of his stand-up jokes, even if they are great second time round, will be a good enough substitute, but hopefully this is the first in a long line of new ventures for him.

I do, though, wish the show the best of luck in getting a second, hopefully longer, run as it’s a fun, enjoyable, cosy, family-friendly game show that harks back to a rosier time when Noel had a crinkly bottom and not twenty-two red boxes and ‘cuddly toy’ was an often heard call in the living rooms of Great Britain.

7/10

You can watch ‘Don’t Blow The Inheritance’ until the 31st August, 5pm on ITV1 weeknights.

The London 2012 Olympics Closing Ceremony

And so the Olympics came to an end with a ceremony of British music, wrapped up as three-and-half-hour trip through the ages of the UK’s artists, thankfully without an out of tune Paul McCartney in sight.

Though not as arresting or visual effective as the marvellous opening ceremony, the closing one was still very much worth seeing, thankfully not having the long and tedious parade of Olympians as part of it even if they did make a nod towards that.

The set piece was a fun design decision, looking like London wrapped up like a fish and chip supper. There was me half expecting the Lancashire Hotpots turning up to give us a rendition of ‘Chippy Tea’ but – silly me! – why would we get something as eccentric as that. Instead we got Timothy Spall as Winston Churchill sticking his head out of a model Big Ben next to an out of scale and small London Eye. There, far more serious.

Once more opting to create a spectacle, but one that was probably incomprehensible to anyone not sharing the British in-joke, the opening was pretty fun to watch. Spall did a good job as Churchill but I still think Ian McNeice, as seen as him on-stage and in Doctor Who, would have made a better one.

Emile Sande’s singing of her version of Professor Green’s ‘Read All About It’ was beautifully sung, even if she appeared dressed as a Blackpool landlady and has better solo hits of her own, and an appearance by Stomp were welcome and it was interesting to see the Queen was replaced by Prince Harry for this ceremony. Perhaps being thrown out of a plane with Daniel Craig sixteen days earlier had done it for her. Or maybe she feared Elton John would perform again.

Perhaps the most in-jokey of everything we’ve had – and, boy, have both ceremonies had these, was the appearance of the ‘Only Fools and Horses’ three-wheeled van out of which emerged actors pretending to be David Jason and Nicholas Lyndhurst as Del Boy and Rodney as Batman and Rodney, before the van then exploded and Michael Caine announced ‘You’re only supposed to blow the bloody doors off’. Honestly. I’ve not been taking drugs. That actually happened. What foreign countries must have made of that I’m not sure, with one episode of a television show from fifteen years ago mixed in with the Italian Job. Actually, we don’t need to imagine, NBC commentators (for what quality they have been) said that the characters were, and I transpose, ‘Folk heroes like Robin Hood’. No, NBC. They were two actors playing two other actors playing two characters playing two other fictional characters from a camp sixties comic adaptation. So that clears things up there. It was funny though.

And now we get into the music and first up was Madness. Now I’m a big fan of Suggs and the gang but I have to say that they were a little bit flat in this performance of ‘Our House’, which is a shame as I know they can sing live. Must have been an off-day for Suggs but it was nice to see the ambassadors for ska represented here, a band that still release quality music as 2009’s ‘The Liberty of Norton Folgate’ shows.

A band version of ‘Parklife’ followed which was a fun interpretation. Of course Blur, one of the main bands of the era we know as BritPop, couldn’t perform it live as they were performing at a rival concert at the same time in one of the daftest scheduling decisions since the finale of ‘One Foot In The Grave’ was run against the first millionaire winner on ITV’s flagship Chris Tarrant-hosted gameshow, but that had at least been unforeseeable... ish.

The Pet Shop Boys appeared for a spirited version of ‘West End Girls’ and One Direction’s two-song medley was well done but I’d hardly utter them in the same breath as Neil Tennant and Chris Lowe in the annals of British Music. As I noted on Twitter, which of course was alight during the ceremony, the only direction I’d really want them to go in was out of the stadium on the back of the lorry they were on.

We then got the winners of Britain’s Got Talent 2010, ‘Spellbound’ performing some admittedly impressive dance work, and Ray Davies giving us a welcome rendition of the Kinks classic ‘Waterloo Sunset’, which was well done even if he looked out of it. One of my friends at this point asked who ‘The Kinks’ were. I promptly evicted him from my flat and told him to come back when he’d heard of bands earlier than Steps.

Emeli Sande then re-appeared to perform a longer version of part three of ‘Read All About It’ (I still to this day am not sure where part two went) and, concluding the new music for the moment, Elbow appeared for the classic and anthemic ‘One Day Like This’, plus the equally fun ‘Open Arms’.

Next somebody slipped the iPod connected to the PA back to replay mode and we got all the songs we’d just heard, albeit in studio form, again. Now I’m all for hearing some songs twice in a short space of time, but we have over sixty years of music to draw from – surely we could have found time to throw in some music from some other British bands that have been influential over the years to fill the gap? Franz Ferdinand. The Sex Pistols. The Automatic. There. Covering three countries. That would have done it and that’s just three names off the top of my head whilst drinking cider. Imagine what acts you could come up with after seven years of planning.

Declining the invitation to appear in person, we couldn’t avoid the music of Kate Bush but at least they picked the enjoyable ‘Running Up That Hill’ while a nice display of boxes was put up with the meaning lost on me until I just read the Wikipedia page. Either I missed the explanation because me and my friends were enjoying the music and making our conversation or the commentators had been told to tone it down after the opening ceremony. I’m not sure. We then got the final medal ceremony of the Olympics which must have been a big honour for those athletes.

Back to the music and the classic ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ was a much welcome inclusion, as was John Lennon’s image being created out of individual elements on stage, even if it was as creepy as it was impressive. We then got George Michael – surely a dodgy choice for a sporting event trying to avoid accusations of drugs taking (and, presumably crashing your car into buildings) – performing an impressive version of ‘Freedom’ and then, not so impressively, ‘White Light’ which is an OK track and genius and annoying in equal measure, but more importantly released as a single on that day. Whilst every other act got lumbered with a classic or thematically important song, Michael got a second song that many didn’t get and should have got, to plug his new single over, I don’t know, ‘Club Tropicana’ or ‘Careless Whisper’. Not fun.

Moving on, we got an impressive display of Mods and Rockers with Yorkshire’s own Kaiser Chiefs, complete with lead singer Ricky Wilson singing whilst riding pillion, performing The Who’s ‘Pinball Wizard’. Now it was a great rendition and the band nailed it, but it would have been great to have heard some original material from the band, especially when the original singers were to appear later. According to a post-event interview with Wilson they were originally lined up to perform ‘I Predict A Riot’ (I could have told the organisers a year ago this was a bad idea) but it was changed for the cover. Surely they could have done ‘Ruby’. Or ‘Never Miss A Beat’. Or even ‘The 100 Metres Is Not A Competition (But I’m Winning)’, but I may have made that last one up.

With David Bowie joining Kate Bush in the event decliners, we got a medley of his music which was fun enough, but would have been great to hear him live, before getting ‘Little Bird’ by Annie Lennox. Clearly whoever planned this event was too concerned with not upsetting the youth of London by dropping ‘I Predict A Riot’ from the song list to have heard the Jubilee concert and realise that Lennox is not the ideal candidate for a celebration of music, being that she’s not exactly on top form. And even if they must have had her, surely some big Eurythmics song would have been the call?

We did get a ship appearing on stage, though, which I can only assume was the Somalian team arriving late.

At least we could rely on the closing ceremony to tick off some boxes as we reached some interesting collaborations. Ed Sheeran joining the drummer from Pink Floyd on their hit ‘Wish You Were Here’ was interesting on paper and performed well enough but not a particular highlight for me, and the same could be said for Russell Brand performing the Beatles’ ‘I Am The Walrus’ dressed as ‘Gene Wilder’, alongside orchestra ‘Bond’ which was visually stimulating but it was like asking Huw Edwards to perform ‘Paint It Black’ by the Rolling Stones, that is a fun suggestion but musically questionable.

At least the appearance of Fatboy Slim in a giant octopus playing the radio edits of two of his big hits, whilst pretending to mix on a pair of CD-Js, was welcome. (Remember, I’m not making any of this up, and the cider has worn off).

The triple-act of Jessie “I look naked – is this suitable for a family audience” J; Tinie “Shades are cool” Tempah and Taio “What? He’s actually not American?” Cruz was a highlight of the ceremony for me. Jessie’s ‘Price Tag’ was fun even if it sadly lacked some BOB action like the concert was put together by Radio 2’s Programme Controller and the theme of the song, set aside the fiscal extravagance of London 2012, was an usual juxtaposition, but her work on ‘Written With The Stars’ alongside Tinie, Cruz’s ‘Dynamite’ and then the triple-play on the Bee Gees’ classic ‘You Should Be Dancing’, was all fun and a brilliant set of mash-ups.

The much anticipated ‘Spice Girls’ reunion was up next and was actually very much fun and they handled the songs brilliantly, even if Victoria seemed to be keeping her distance from the rest of the group and it looked like at one point girl power would be extinguished as Mel B looked to be getting run over by a minicab. Ah, well it is London.

Then it got strange. Noel Gallagher appeared on stage with his band with the drum proudly declaring ‘Beady Eye’. Surely we wouldn’t be getting a hit from the band otherwise known as ‘The less successful sibling band next to ‘Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds’? No, we got a little-known track called ‘Wonderwall’. Actually, it was a great rendition of the Noel-less track but it was a little like Paul Simon arriving on stage singing a Simon and Garfunkel song with a new backing band and doing the audio equivalent of a middle finger towards his old song-writing partner. They should have got Blur.

Oh, sorry, Damon Albarn was wailing depressingly in Earl’s Court whilst this spectacular was going on.

Perhaps they couldn’t have Oasis on the drumkit as the only drink they could promote would be Coca Cola?

After a welcome interlude of ELO’s amazing ‘Mr Blue Sky’ we got another highlight of the event. It might not be quite up to another Mr. Bean or James Bond moment, but Eric Idle’s spirited version of the Monty Python classic ‘Always Look On The Bright Side of Life’ was great and he even got away with the word ‘shit’ and some casual racism, so those family friendly boxes ticked there. Oh, and there were morris dancers too so thumbs up again.

Moving on we got Muse camping it up to do their, admittedly well done, live version of their oompah-loompah Queen-knock-off ‘Survival’ before we got the genuine article. Well, Freddie on a large screen doing his fun, live vocal harmony crowd-engagement thing from beyond the grave, before we got a decidedly greying Brian May doing some more impressive guitar work alongside drummer Roger Taylor, before Jessie J decided she’d come back for another bite of the cherry in a less revealing dress to contribute to a cover of ‘We Will Rock You’. She’s been criticised for her performance of this but I actually think it worked really well.

After some impressive orchestral work and Rio’s four-year-hint towards what we’ll get over there in 2016 (no Duran Duran performing ‘Rio’ here), including an appearance by Pele, there was just time to extinguish the flame which, though impressive, could well have been the opening ceremony played backwards, before Take That appeared to perform ‘Rule The World’. For Gary to appear mere days after his personal tragedy was spirited of him and they performed the track flawlessly. It would have been nice to have seen Robbie join them but he didn’t appear on the original version of the track and, possibly, may have done something outrageous. I’m not sure that a song called ‘Rule The World’ was the most sane of choices for a country that, er, once ruled the world under questionable means, but it was an enjoyable rendition. We then got three tracks by ‘The Who’ to round things off, giving them four songs in one form or another during the closing ceremony. I wonder who they had to sleep with for that?

(Apparently they omitted the line ‘I hope I die before I get old’ from ‘My Generation’. I didn’t notice this but the change was appropriate as they’re all now pensioners.)

And that, over half-an-hour longer than I expected, was the closing ceremony. It couldn’t quite hold a candle – sorry, Olympic torch – to the bonkers and visually impressive opening ceremony but it also didn’t have the budget. It covered lots of eras of British music and it’s hard to pick fault with their musical choices but there were a few strange omissions such as ‘The Rolling Stones’ and a few unusual inclusions such as Russell Brand, and perhaps a few dubious song choices – George Michael and the under-used Kaiser Chiefs – being two examples, but they were never going to please everyone.

The vast majority of the music performances sounded great, which is more than could be said for the nearest similar event of the Jubilee concert, and there were also enough visual elements to keep it interesting.

A great musical round-up to an Olympics dominated by the best of British music with just a few dodgy decisions to let it down. Mash this up with the best bits of the Jubilee concert – i.e. more Robbie, less Elton, Paul and George – and it would have been a winner!

(7/10)

Best Music Videos Ever - Part One

We all like a clever, well-made music video. Well, in an occasional feature I'm going to do and in no particular order, here are my favourite music promotional videos of all time.

Morcheeba - Otherwise

Not only is this a beautiful song but the sea-side head-putting-through-scenes theme carried through the video is both funny and cleverly put together, creating an engaging story, and evokes a past time.

Royksopp - Remind Me

With so many facts and figures it's hard to keep up, the animation and visual style mirroring the famous book series really works and fits in with the tone of the song.

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Californication

Capturing the feel of a video game perfectly, the CGI still stands up all these years later.

Robbie Williams - Rock DJ

Still censored on TV even today - even though it's mild compared to 2012 standards, an ordinary looking music video transforms into something entirely off the wall...

Blur - Coffee and TV

The song is certainly not the band's best but the video - telling the love story between milk cartons - is inspired.

Fatboy Slim - Weapon of Choice

Never has dance gone so well with a music video...

Aqua - Cartoon Heroes

Capturing the feeling of a 50s B-Movie it's like the best Thunderbirds episode never made.

Coldplay - The Scientist

Full marks for Chris Martin for learning the song backwards, the story unfolds in an engaging and clever way and, like 'Coffee and TV', improves the actual song.

REM - Imitation of Life

A very clever live-photo video that fits the song well.

Peter Gabriel - Sledgehammer

An early piece of work from Aardman "Wallace and Gromit" Animations you can feel how much the time, love and dedication has come through to the visuals.

My Thoughts On Super Hi-Vision

Yesterday I had the pleasure of seeing another technological innovation at Bradford’s increasingly exciting National Media Museum, a place that sits proudly in Bradford with its fantastic free exhibits, video game area and IMAX screen that compares excellently in price to the over-priced screens available elsewhere in the city and delivery a picture many times the size for a not dissimilar price.

One thing they are showing now – in conjunction with the BBC and only one of three places in the country to do so – is a new technology known as ‘Super Hi-Vision’. Though it does sound like something that would have been proudly promoted in front of a screening of ‘Thunderbirds’ it is actually a genuine technology, delivering a hi-def picture sixteen times more hi-def than hi-def with a 22.2 channel sound, which is like a beefed up 5.1 sound system except with twenty-two speakers and two bass channels.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. If you’ve just upgraded to a 42’’ plasma with full 1080p HD and a 7.1 surround sound speaker systems and feel miffed about the emergence of 3D television systems that will overtake it, you don’t need to feel short-changed by yet another new system. As the set-up, based in the small Cubby Broccoli cinema within the NMM, requires a 300 inch screen (this one set-up to receive images from a hefty projector) with sixteen speakers around the main screen and the other six elsewhere, it’s not going to be a system that will fit in the average living room, even if you could afford it.

At this point I’m going to be controversial. I’ve never really been that taken aback by standard HD. It’s only benefit I can see is that, as television’s get bigger the flaws in standard definition have become more obvious, and that’s its main benefit. I honestly don’t feel, in watching a HD broadcast, that I feel any more like I’m in the sporting stadium or up close with a panda. It’s just clearer and crisper. The only time I’ve really felt there is in the IMAX showings of the Dark Knight four years ago where, as the camera panned over shots of skyscrapers, I felt like I was up there. And, let’s face it. Who could house an IMAX screen in their living room?

But I still wanted to see this Super Hi-Vision to see what it was like. And, though the marketing speak of it being like a window into the room is not entirely spot-on – it still feels like you are watching the action on a screen – it is by far the crispest and clearest picture I’ve ever seen, the images on the screen bright and vibrant.

The set-up in the museum is not quite how I had it in my head. I’d imagined – and this is purely what I’d made up not what I’d read – that the hour would be that moment’s Olympics delivered in Super Hi-Vision but it’s in fact a forty-minute taster of the system. It starts with a five money explanation of its history and how it compares to Hi-def and it was this, combined with the specially generated sound, that showed off the increase in detail and improved sound.

What we got after this was a selection of material. Firstly there was elements from the Olympics opening ceremony, namely the forging of the rings section, the James Bond video and abseiling and the walk on of Team GB in the procession; then the 400m women’s swimming race where Rebecca Adlington won bronze (Sunday 29th July); and then chosen highlights from the basketball match where the USA beat Nigeria by, well, a “few” points.

Graphically, the Opening Ceremony looking brilliant in Super Hi-Vision and you could see everything in the stadium from the action in the centre to what people were wearing on the back row, even to the emergency exit signs right at the back top. Though a lot of the detail was due to the huge screen, it’s hard to deny that the new system makes more detail much clearer, but it’s still just a television image to me. Sorry to be a downer but it’s not quite the looking through a window feeling advertised, but this is most likely down to the lack of the atmosphere associated with the picture which is impossible to transfer. The people behind me in the cinema, before the showing, actually had an interesting conversation about smell and other aspects that make a thing feel real and whether that could ever be conveyed realistically. Also, it’s the ability to look around and change your viewing angle that makes “being there” realistically so perhaps the future will be combining Super Hi-Vision with Kinect style technology and some sort of modern smell-o-vision?

But, as far as new technology goes, being able to get a wide angle viewing of the opening ceremony where you could make out each individual participant and each one of the individual lights by people’s seats that lit up to form images was impressive to see.

The second element of the opening ceremony was a little bit of a missed opportunity. It spent most of the time pointed at one of the large screens showing the James Bond pre-video section which, one assumes, wasn’t filmed in Super Hi-Vision, so aside from the static shot of the stadium in the format it was like someone demonstrating High Definition by showing you a film of it on their mobile phone.

The athlete walk on was the most impressive part with the small elements of ticker tape fired onto Team GB being very crisp and life-like and the huge shot of all the athletes in the stadium visually very impressive.

Onto the swimming and the sound was impressive but not as good as the pre-generated sounds in the opening titles. It didn’t quite feel like we were there but it was immersive. The water as the swimmers did their bits was clear and you could make out all the ripples and I spent much of my time looking far at the back to the crowds, which were all crisp, emphasising the detail. I also noted that there were very few empty seats, you’ll be glad to know.

Oh, and how many people there are wandering around with steadi-cams getting in the faces of swimmers, something you obviously don’t see on ordinary television broadcasts.

Oh, and how they need two people to present the winners, one with a medal then another with a small bunch of flowers. Weird.

Sound wise the basketball one was the most impressive with the individual noises of each player on the court audible. But it never felt like I was in the crowd. The impression of people sitting behind me and noise from all around wasn’t really captured and the sound seemed very front facing, certainly not as impressive as the audio demo at the start comparing the music of a live orchestra on a 2, 5.1 and 22.2 sound system. But, again, all the detail of the crowd was visible and it was a very detailed picture.

After a forty-minute showing the film came to an end and I could reflect on what I’d seen. Detail wise the images are impressive and the sound involving, but as we’ve had these sort of images thrust at us over the last few years the immediate wow factor isn’t present. If it was physically possible for the average house to have a 300-inch screen in their home then this technology would be fantastic, as showing HD on that screen would be as low-quality as watching standard definition on a 40’’+ television is now. But, whereas HD and 3D have found their way into homes I don’t see this finding it anytime soon due to the lack of difference on a living-room sized set. And, for all the extra speakers, the sound system wasn’t any more startling than in your average cinema screen I’m afraid, and I wouldn’t have known it was 22.2 if I hadn’t been told. Whether that is down to the lack of microphones picking up the sound in the Olympic stadium compared to the purposeful set-up in the orchestral demo, I don’t know.

Where I do see it working will be in cinemas and theatres embracing the special showings like they have of the Olympics and the Wimbledon final, the latter in 3D, where people go to the cinema to get an experience, like IMAX, that it’s impossible to get at home. That’s where I see Super Hi-Vision coming into its own, not at consumer level.

That is, of course, if cinemas have the funds to upgrade their screens and sound systems after investing heavily in digital and 3D screens.

So though I wasn’t blown away by Hi-Vision, just impressed by the detail, I am happy that the National Media Museum has, once more, secured a technology on display, for free, in Bradford, the only other city outside of London and Glasgow. That is certainly something to celebrate alongside our increasing gold medal tally.