Showing posts with label 2012. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2012. Show all posts

Saturday, 29 December 2012

My 2012


My 2012

As 2012 comes to an end, I thought it would be nice to sum up the year so far in one blog post, sort of like one of those round robin letters you get but you won’t get this force-fed down your throat. Failing that it’s something for me to look back on in years to come! So what happened in 2012?

January: The month I finally went abroad
  



I started off 2012 by taking a look around the new City Park in Bradford (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/01/city-park-actually-quite-good.html). It might have cost an obscenely large amount of money but what they’ve done with the space is incredible and it’s a really impressive landmark, and one that has brought the population of the city together in many ways. I also enjoyed Milton Jones’ pilot ‘The House of Rooms’ (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/01/milton-jones-house-of-rooms-review.html) which still hasn’t been commissioned as far as I know, which is a real shame as it was a hilarious thirty minutes.

Capitalising on two games reviews I’d sent into website ‘Den of Geek’ in December 2011 I began writing more for the site. By the end of the year I would have written lots for them, from a review of ‘Sonic Generations’ (http://www.denofgeek.com/games/6502/sonic-generations-nintendo-3ds-review) to ’10 Things I’d Like To See From Primeval’ (http://www.denofgeek.com/tv/primeval/21040/the-10-things-we%E2%80%99d-like-to-see-from-primeval-in-2012) to my top ten episodes of that television series (http://www.denofgeek.com/tv/primeval/22386/top-10-primeval-episodes). I would go on to write a big piece on the WiiU (http://www.denofgeek.com/games/23685/our-first-48-hours-with-the-nintendos-wii-u) and game ZombiU (http://www.denofgeek.com/games/23777/zombiu-wii-u-review) as well as a weekly review of the Canadian spin-off ‘Primeval New World’ (starting with http://www.denofgeek.com/tv/primeval/23309/primeval-new-world-episode-1-review-the-new-world). I am very grateful to the site for accepting my work and love the writing and seeing my name up on the site, plus the mostly positive reviews my articles are getting.

In January I also began writing regularly for blog www.all-noise.co.uk, with a weekly round-up of that week’s singles and that’s something I’m still doing now, and I thank Luke for letting me do the article each week. Alongside this regular contribution I’ve also done lots of album reviews, countdown and much more, viewable at http://www.philip-lickley.co.uk/wp/journalism.

Thirdly I continued reviewing video games for site ‘Brash Games’ (thanks to Paul) and wrote many reviews over the course of 2012, viewable at http://www.brashgames.co.uk/author/philip-lickley/.

Also this month I scored nearly 1000 view on my tongue-in-cheek musings on how Sherlock Holmes could have survived his suicidal jump over at http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.com/2012/01/10-possible-explanations-for-sherlock.html, one of many posts I’ve made through the year to try and increase my experience of writing. Sadly, after a promising start last January, I’ve still yet to make any real progress with my novel.

But the biggest thing of January was my first trip abroad with good friends Ian and Rachael - http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/02/rachael-ian-and-phils-trip-to-france.html. We had an amazing time at Euro Disney and in Paris even though the weather was absolutely freezing but looking back on the week it was an amazing time, starting with a sight-seeing day in London and then heading into France. I really wish I could do it again.


In the world of music I picked up a copy of Rudolf Rocker’s ‘The Whitby Scar’ (http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/01/rudolf-rocker-whitby-scar-review.html), gave my thoughts on the BBC’s ‘Sound of 2012’ poll (http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/01/my-thoughts-on-sound-of-2012.html) and talked about my dislike of the bonus tracks and deluxe albums (http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/01/disappointment-of-bonus-platinum-track.html).

And, as usual, I continued broadcasting two shows on RamAir, in the form of ‘Bitter and Pies’ and ‘...and be done with it’.

February: A better trip to hospital



In February I began my journey into hospital radio. Over 2012 I would be trained up at BRI and get my first show ‘Ultrasound’, as well as help out with their sixtieth birthday celebrations later in the year.

I continued my blog posts by looking at the unusual decision to edit the upcoming ‘The Pirates’ film due to a throw-away joke about leprosy that sparked a big debate (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/02/pirates-in-adventure-with-political.html) and also reviewing ‘The Muppets’ (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/02/muppets-2012-review.html), a brilliant film well worth seeing, but whether the sequel with Ricky Gervais appearing will be as good we’ll wait to see! I also wrote about my fourteen favourite comedy series.

I picked up a copy of Lana Del Rey’s excellent ‘Born To Die’ album early in February (http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/02/lana-del-rey-born-to-die-album-review.html) and got annoyed over Marcus Collins’ ripping-off of an earlier track (http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/02/two-nation-army-another-x-factor-rip.html).

March: I’m Porky and I Know It – are you?



In March I fulfilled a dream to see ‘An Inspectre Calls’ on stage, going to watch it with my parents at the Alhambra in Bradford. It was an incredible performance with a set that you have to see to believe – if you can catch it I’d highly recommend it! (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/inspector-calls-review.html)

In March I also watched the latest performance by the ever reliable BUSOM group at the University of Bradford and you can read my review at http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/busom-presents-iolanthe-theatre-in-mill.html. I also grabbed a copy of Meat Loaf’s new album which I reviewed at http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/meat-loaf-hell-in-handbasket-album.html.

Finally, having spent two years with Mike and Kev doing parody tracks, we finally entered the world of videos with this little gem:

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/i2iQfhhyy0g?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

April: Student Radio, BCB, Steps, Parodies, 100 shows and hello new phone!



April started off rather busy at work with my birthday being put on hold as we were hosting the Student Radio Conference, three days of hard work and organisation but an event that was mostly pulled off successfully for the many student stations that came down even if the weather did throw snow at us on the third day. It’s a big thank you to everyone from me who helped on both sides of the event as it couldn’t have been achieved without a lot of hard work from everyone. Good luck to Leicester who are hosting it this year!

Work with RamAir continued to be fun this year as we got a new studio and playout system which we’re just about getting to grips with now!

I treated myself after this to see one of my favourite bands as a child – Steps – live at the MEN Arena, a great gig if not quite up to Take That from the previous year (http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/steps-mcr-arena-10th-april-2012-review.html).

Back in December I recorded a one-off pilot on BCB – Bradford’s local community radio station – and in April I started broadcasting this regularly in a half-hour format. ‘Paper Cuts’ goes out weekly at 1pm on a Wednesday and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed doing it so far.

Also in April I reviewed two massive films – The Pirates! (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/pirates-in-adventure-with-scientists.html) and an unexpectedly incredible film ‘The Cabin In The Woods (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/cabin-in-woods-movie-review.html) which is a definite must see! I also misjudgingly bought Sean Paul’s new album, which was not so good (http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/sean-paul-tomahawk-technique.html).

April was also the month in which my mobile phone finally bit the dust with the screen smashing and becoming unusable, so I finally dipped my toe into the smartphone market with a HTC One S. After finding the e-mail alerts more annoying than helpful but equally becoming more involved with Facebook, Twitter, Draw Something and Words With Friends (not sure if any of that is a good thing), I was glad to have changed phones in the end (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/one-day-with-htc-one-s.html).

Finally, April was also the hundredth edition of the ‘...and be done with it’ show on the 25th, which came a week after we did our second totally live show, which you can hear some bits of at http://www.andbedonewithit.co.uk/wp/page/4/. We also did our second parody album in this month which you can hear in full at http://www.andbedonewithit.co.uk/wp/humour/autotuned-2-hell-parody-album-2/.

May: Electric Six and food safety



This Month was a busy time for blog posts, reviewing ‘The Avengers’ (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/avengers-assemble-review.html - not so good), ‘American Reunion (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/american-reunion-review.html - better) and ‘The Hunger Games’ (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/hunger-games-review.html - Best). I also saw the BUSOM summer concert (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/busom-boys-vs-girls-2012-summer-concert.html) and mused on the changes to the Gadget Show which finally put me off watching a show I’d enjoyed for many years (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/what-have-they-done-to-gadget-show.html).

I also spoke about the terrestrial showing of series five of ‘Primeval’ (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/primeval-series-five-to-make.html), a show that is still sitting in re-commissioning limbo and Tim Vine’s departure from my favourite sitcom ‘Not Going Out’ (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/tim-vine-is-going-out-as-he-leaves.html) and we’ll see what effect that has on it when series six debuts in early 2013.

Musically I bought a copy of Dick Valentine’s acoustic album ‘Destroy The Children’ (A great listen - http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/dick-valentine-destroy-children-review.html) and saw him live acoustically in Fibbers, York at the end of the month, another brilliant appearance from a great singer-songwriter (http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/dick-valentine-acoustic-live-review.html).

The month ended with the ‘Party On The Amp’ event at work which was our busiest yet and the sun shone once more, followed by me going back to college to sit my Level 2 Award in Food Safety in Catering which I passed.

June: Easy as Pi?


In June I continued my summer viewing of films with the great ‘Men In Black 3’, which I’ve just got on BluRay and enjoyed it as much the second time around (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/men-in-black-3-review.html) plus ‘Top Cat’ (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/top-cat-movie-movie-review.html) which, despite the negative reviews, is actually more fun than you might think if you’re a fan of the original cartoon.

On the box I watched and reviewed the Jubilee concert (http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/jubilee-concert-4th-june-2012.html) and thought about the ten funny things I’d like to see at it (http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/10-things-i-want-to-see-from-tonights.html). I continued to write down my thoughts on all matter of things from the cash-in cover song (http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/update-rise-of-cash-in-cover-song.html), to Muse’s ‘Survival’ song (http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/muse-survival-official-london-2012.html)  to Jessie J’s copyright claim (http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/jessie-j-vs-loomis-and-lust-in.html).

I also decided to buy a Raspberry Pi and after a long wait it finally turned up this month. It turned out to be a gold-trap and not as easy to set-up and use as promised, and I’ve still not fully got to grips with the piece of kit. It may inspire a new generation of young computer programmers, but to me it lacked the simplicity of the BASIC computers I used as a young kid in school (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/phils-adventures-with-his-raspberry-pi.html). I will have to come back to it to see if I can spend some more time to fathom it out.

I subscribed to a new magazine in June, to go with my ‘Private Eye’, ‘Official Nintendo Magazine’ and ‘Fortean Times’ subscriptions. ‘Wonderpedia’ is a great monthly magazine with lots of interesting articles on a wide range of subjects and well worth picking up, though it took me a month or so to get the first issue due to a mistake in the distribution centre (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/wonderpedia-new-magazine.html).

June was also the time of E3 with Nintendo releasing the first details of their upcoming WiiU console. You can read my thoughts on the show at http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/nintendo-e3-in-nutshell.html.

I also took time in June to muse on a variety of subjects, such as ITV’s poor treatment of it’s ‘Primeval’ show (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/are-itv-letting-primeval-fail.html); the upcoming new entry in the ‘Tomb Raider’ franchise (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/has-tomb-raider-series-lost-its-way.html); and my thoughts on the Cofilmic event myself and friend Liam Walters attended in Bradford in the first of my steps in the year to expand my knowledge of script writing (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/cofilmic-films-my-thoughts.html). It was a great session with some hilarious short films and though the comedy sketches I submitted to the competition weren’t winners, it was a useful bit of experience for me.

July: Hotpots, Alnwick Castle and the Olympics



I continued to review movies in June with the Amazing Spider-man, perhaps not as amazing as the title but still good (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/amazing-spider-man-review.html), and the much better  ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/the-dark-knight-rises-spoiler-filled.html).

I also headed over to Sheffield’s ‘Magna’ in the month to play some of the retro games available there and have a first-play on the new 3DS Mario game and the ‘Beat The Beat’ Wii game (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/day-out-at-magna.html) even if I did feel out of place going on my own!

I saw the Lancashire Hotpots live in this month (the first of four times I’d see them in the second half of the year by luck more than good management) in what was a really strong gig (http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/lancashire-hotpots-dukes-lancaster.html) as well as picking up their latest album (http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/the-lancashire-hotpots-hard-days-pint.html).

I continued to offer the people of the internet my thoughts on things including the London 2012 opening ceremony (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/the-london-2012-olympics-ceremony.html) and even broke into verse to sum up the first three days of the summer event - http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/london-2012-olympics-days-1-3.html.

On the 22nd I went on a trip with work to Alnwick Castle. The weather was brilliant and the day great fun! Though we did visit the Poison Garden and I took a photo of cannabis, which means that image occasionally appears on the home screen of my phone. Nice.

I also spoke about the sad passing of actor Geoffrey Hughes in July, sadly missed (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/geoffrey-hughes-few-thoughts.html).

August: Sketch Show and Stand-Up Comedy



In August I went to the National Media Museum in Bradford to see their demonstration of ‘Super Hi-Def’, which was an experience if not that overwhelming (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/my-thoughts-on-super-hi-vision.html).

It was also the month I finished off my pilot for a sketch show which you can hear below – thanks to everyone who contributed a voice! Hopefully if I plug this more it will be picked up – or maybe not!

[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/55534149" params="" width=" 100%" height="166" iframe="true" /]

I also did something different this month, heading off to a BBC Radio 2 stand-up comedy workshop with friend Liam in Leeds on Monday 20th August and we each did five minutes of stand-up in front of an audience. It was a nerve-wracking experience but one that was really rewarding, and the day after I went to see the more seasoned newbies do it!

It wasn't all fun and good news. I had entered some of my demos into the Sony Radio Awards but sadly didn't get anything!

I put my hand in my pocket and bought the new 3DS Mario game and you can read my thoughts on it at http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/new-super-mario-bros-2-3ds-review.html.


Speaking of the Olympics, I reviewed the CDs for the respective ceremonies (http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/isles-of-wonder-music-for-opening.html and http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/a-symphony-of-british-music-music-for.html)  and Spector’s excellent debut album (http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/spector-enjoy-it-while-it-lasts-album.html).

Finally I gave my thoughts on Tim Vine’s new game show (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/dont-blow-inheritance-itv1-5pm.html) and compiled my favourite music videos ever (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/best-music-videos-ever-part-one.html).

September: The Paralympics and Bingley Music Live



The highlight of the month was my visit to the Paralympics on the 9th September. I wasn’t particularly bothered about seeing any matches – though I got to see 7-a-side football – but I wanted the opportunity to say I’d been there. The park was incredible, the attractions brilliant and the weather during the day was great, so overall a fantastic trip and well worth the ten hours on a coach on the round day trip.

September began in a fun way with my annual trip to local festival ‘Bingley Music Live’, an event I’ve been to all but one of. The weather held out, the acts were great and the two additional stages well done. My thoughts and reviews can be found at http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/bingley-music-live-day-one.html; http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/bingley-music-live-day-two.html and http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/bingley-music-live-day-three.html.


You can hear our five radio spoofs at http://www.andbedonewithit.co.uk/wp/humour/dj-who/.

Back in the world of music I picked up the Killers new album and reviewed it at http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/the-killers-battle-born-album-review.html.

October: Hotpots and weddings!



This month I went to the wedding of friends Andrew and Maggie Roberts – it was a great day – and I wish them all the best for the future!

In October I saw a couple of films, the acclaimed but ultimately disappointing ‘Looper’ (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/looper-movie-review.html) but the far more enjoyable and ‘film of the year’ James Bond flick ‘Skyfall’ (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/skyfall-review.html). I also wrapped up warm with some friends to watch ‘Coraline’ in the City Park, armed with a marshmallow-filled hot chocolate and requiring a good warming up in Lloyds (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/coraline-outside-screening-in-city-park.html).

Bradford did it’s ‘Garden of Light’ this month in the City Park, which was a great attraction to visit, especially on the Saturday night when it was busy with Bradfordians, showcasing another event pulling together residents of the city.

I picked up two great albums in October, the long-awaited live album from Electric Six (http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/electric-six-absolute-pleasure-live.html) and the Evil Cowards follow-up ‘Moving Through Security’ (http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/evil-cowards-moving-through-security.html).

I also made my third visit to see the Hotpots (they appeared at September’s ‘Bingley Music Live’ for my second) though a friend not being able to make the gig. They were great as always! (http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/the-lancashire-hotpots-well-leeds.html)

Finally, I was also asked to be the joint-best man to my friend Mike alongside Kev for his wedding next year, which was a massive honour, and I wish the pair all the best for their future together!

November: More radio, story writing, WiiU and piano



In November I attempted Movember. I can’t grow a moustache. Let’s forget it happened.

This month – on the 12th – I began broadcasting a twice-weekly breakfast show on BCB with friend Ant Smith and that’s going well, with a great one-hour show every Monday and Tuesday morning at 8pm (http://www.facebook.com/BradfordBAP). As part of this I also got to interview local roller derby team ‘The Bruising Banditas’ for a feature on the show (hear the full version at https://soundcloud.com/philip-lickley/interview-with-the-bruising).

November was a month of live gigs. In the four short weeks I saw Spector (http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/spector-supported-by-splash-and-swim.html), Electric Six (http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/electric-six-fibbers-york-wednesday.html) and my fourth and final ‘The Lancashire Hotpots’ show (http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/the-lancashire-hotpots-fibbers-york.html). Back at home I was listening to Robbie’s new album ‘Take The Crown’ (http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/robbie-williams-take-crown-deluxe.html).

Back in August I entered a short-story writing competition in York and sadly found out in November I didn’t win but you can read my two entries at http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/ghost-by-philip-lickley.html and http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/the-new-prescription-by-philip-lickley.html.

I also continued to review BUSOM performances with their scratch (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/busom-presents-scratch-enfreude-review.html) and attended the switching on of the Bradford Christmas lights which was a rare drop in quality of events in the City Park (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/11/bradford-christmas-lights-switch-on.html).

November was also the month that the WiiU came out and as a life-long Nintendo fan I picked up a copy alongside two extra games and, as I write this, am thoroughly enjoying the new console and it was a good decision to get one.

Finally, a New Year’s resolution from several years previously was finally completed as I passed my grade one piano exam and started on the road to grade two. Thank you to Matt my teacher for lots of patience!

December: Panto, student film, and a trip to London!



As December came round I reviewed the final BUSOM performance of the year (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/busom-villains-minions-and-monsters.html) and gave my thoughts on some of the things on television over the festive period (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/the-snowman-and-snowdog-review.html and http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/a-few-thoughts-on-christmas-day.html).

December saw the final ‘...and be done with it’ show of the year, with our regular pound shop challenge, which you can hear at http://api.soundcloud.com/playlists/3066468.

As my working year finished, we had a fantastic Christmas Market at work and then after term ended my first publically performed scripted work in the UBU Christmas Pantomime. Warning: in-jokes and dodgy humour aplenty!

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/yb81aKwiK9A?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

I also featured in a small role in a student’s film so we’ll see how that comes out in the new year! It was also the month of the staff Chrismas party, which was as fun as ever!

The highlight of the month, though, had to be my trip down to London with friend Carl to see ‘Electric Six’ live down in Shepherd’s Bush as well as sight-seeing in the capital. In a year that I started off in France and ended up in this weekend away, it was rounded off brilliantly. You can read my thoughts on the weekend at http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/phil-and-carls-magical-trip-to-london.html and the gig at http://wavgoodbye.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/electric-six-live-at-shepherds-bush.html.

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.539032939344.20955.283300391&type=1

I returned to York for Christmas and we paid our annual visit to the pantomime at the Theatre Royal and once more were not disappointed! (http://it-is-phil-time.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/robin-hood-and-his-merry-mam-panto.html).

Overall

In summary I can’t believe how busy a year it has been. I’ve started doing much more in radio, more articles and trying to build up my portfolio. I’m still enjoying my time working for the University of Bradford Students’ Union – I couldn’t ask for nicer colleagues or a more engaging job – but equally am keeping my eye out for jobs in radio but we’ll see how that progresses in 2013!

(I’m sure I’ll have missed something this year so expect some updates!)

Monday, 30 July 2012

London 2012 Olympics – Days 1 - 3

Back in 2005 we won the games
Thanks in part to two key names
David Beckham and Sebastian Coe
Would now go on to run the show

We beat the French to host the games
And not soon after we heard complaints
“We’re coming into a deep recession
“Has the Government not learnt its lesson?”

But the building began and up it grew
From East end wasteland coming up anew
New stadia built, impressive looking
Regenerated land was up and coming

But what of the stadium when the Olympics end?
For one football club it would be a god send
Crazily Hotspurs just wanted the land
Why demolish a new building? So we chose West Ham

The parodies were quite fair
Twenty Twelve was on air
Not too far from the truths
With their fictional goofs

The new logo was shown
And one fact it was known
A child of about ten
Could have done a better attempt

The graffiti style would have been seen
As appealing quite well to the British teen
It showed 2012 but what we all saw instead
Was Lisa from the Simpsons giving some head

And so 2012 came and arrived here quite fast
And the stadia was finished with time spare – aghast!
Will the transport plan set out be up to the strain?
With newly painted obvious Olympic car lanes?

We would get a new cable car crossing the Thames
Which would go at two speeds during the games
But we didn’t quite know when it got a little hot
That mid journey over it would break down and stop

The Olympic torch started its journey around
Going here, going there, to all cities and towns
With bad weather and nudists and protesters a test
But still the flame travelled and completed its quest

It went in a rowing boat, went on a zip wire
As 95% of Britains saw the great fire
And it went to Lands End and John O’Groats later
Not bad for something looking like a cheese grater

And people looked proud as they ran with the flame
Even if all TV footage looked pretty much the same
(And did you know you could buy your torch by the way
And make a nice profit by flogging it on eBay)

As the games came much nearer the news got quite mean
As we found out that Beckham had been dropped by the team
And after poor shows in sport in Wimbledon and the Euros
We looked forward to better from our Olympic heroes

But we didn’t realise that G4S guards didn’t show
And we were left with a shortfall with two weeks to go
So we drafted in coppers and soldiers back from Iraq
And demanded that G4S pay some money back

But the benefit it seems of having soldiers on hand
Coming back from defending us in foreign lands
Was when there were seats left empty in farces
They could be filled by our boys sat down on their arses

The football kicked off the Olympic games
With Scotland hosting two footballing teams
But there was only one major snag
Some idiot with PowerPoint Googled the wrong bloody flag

North Korea were miffed, insulted away from London
Which is not good for a country with its finger on the button
The apology was swift, the error repealed
Allowing the team to come back on the field

And just when it was starting, oh how we did laugh
When Presidental hopeful Mitt Romney made quite such a gaff
He said that a few thing maybe “were disconcerting”
But we sent him back to his home country smarting

(It was quite incredible really
It did quite astound
That we got behind Boris
On the moral high ground)

We got some new tunes like ‘Survival’ by Muse
And to be honest it was a bit rubbish, not a song I would choose
I’d rather have a song promoting competitive drinking
‘The Beer Olympics’ by the Lancashire Hotpots is what I am thinking!

And so soon came the opening ceremony directed by Boyle
And lots of actors, and nurses and animals did toil
To bring us a spectacular feast for the senses
(Which is quite good as it was quite expensive)

We enjoyed some Victorian dancing and chimneys that grew
And an inflatable Voldermort and a Mary Poppins or two
Oh how we laughed when we saw Mr Bean
But that was topped by a parachuting queen

You’ve not seen an opening that will make you smirk
Unless you throw from a plane your reigning monarch
The music was great, (the lesbian kiss perhaps a little rude)
But after the Jubilee Concert who wanted Paul’s Hey Jude?

There were lots of great moments, too many to name
From the sound of a TARDIS to youths lighting the flame
Which was similar to last year but different as well
As they weren’t looting shops at the same time looking for things to sell

But it wasn’t all smooth running, it went onto quite early
The athlete walk-past was tedious, and don’t mention Aidan Burley
An MP criticising the multiculturalism and saying it’s quite lefty
And being a little racist about the London opening ceremony

Just say the social networks got really quite bitter
And he got a drubbing when posting on Twitter
And then there was that sight, was it just a dream
But who was that woman with the Indian team?

The ceremony ended the actors went to the pub
And fell asleep and didn’t see the NBC snub
Cutting out crucial elements like the 7/7 dance piece
And the kiss between two women that even went out in the Middle East

And the games then began, the first day of a huge feat
Just the shame that there were just so many empty seats
Coe said it is fine, the seats are filled to the gunnels
But seats were still empty, it wasn’t that funny

Transport was going, it can be said, reasonably well
With little reported gridlocking hell
And to prove it was quite progressive and not such a boob
We saw David Cameron riding the tube

The medals started coming though we were behind China
With a silver for Armitstead, with the Bronze behind her
No luck for the road race they ended up not quite winning
Thank God for Adlington getting a bronze in the swimming

With Paula Radcliffe out of the marathon due to a sprain
And questions about the cauldron no longer with flame,
With Tom Daley in fourth and Swiss footballing racism
All we wanted was a little bit of sporting escapism

So what will come next on this Olympic journey
Which athletes it seems will be going home early?
How many people will see all the records?
After problems with seats, flags and security guards?